[Original] RAIN Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Our last goodbye.

“In our lives there is bound to come some pain, surely as there are storms and falling rain; just believe that the one who holds the storms will bring the sun.”

“And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.” -G.K. Chestertorn

-oOo-

“You,” I said in disbelief.

“Yeah,” said the man with the piercing brown eyes, “I’m sorry, I know I should have called or – ”

“Tim,” I said cutting him off, “Why are you here?”

There was silence. He backed away from the door way and tilted his head down, seemingly looking for an answer on my door mat. Then he looked up again. That look was the same look he gave me 12 years back, on that day at Emily’s Café.

“Because I don’t know where else to go,” he finally said.

What do you say to a reply like that? Do you fucking go ballistic and rant that after 12 years one can just come barging in on another person’s door? Forget about him being in mourning after losing his love. Forget about him being stressed because of the entire emotional trauma he had to go through re-living 12 years in two hours. No, forget about feelings unexplored, buried and almost forgotten.

“You?” I asked, “Nowhere to go? You must be kidding me.”

“Come on Nate,” he said, “I mean, I know I can be anywhere but here, but…”

He stopped. Looked away again as if trying to find words to say what he really wants.

“But what?” I said, irritated.

“But you’re the only person who knows what I’m going through,” he finally replied.

“What exactly are you implying, Tim?” I asked.

After a long pause he said, “That last shot 5 minutes in the last quarter was for my grand ma. All the other championship years after that was for someone I hope would watch me play…”

He paused again. I was about to say something but he then continued, “but never did. His heat was already taken by someone even I couldn’t measure up to.”

Another pause. This is getting out of hand. So I did what I do best: Stall.

“Let’s go inside…”

-oOo-

“Yes, Ray, I’m really sorry,” I said apologetically to Ray on the phone, “something came up: an emergency. Don’t worry I’ll be all right! Yeah, say hello to Ann for me, good bye!”

I replaced the handset on its cradle and sighed, “better get this over and done.”

I went into the den where I left Tim before I called Ray. I sat down across him and now, I don’t know what to say, “So…”

“So…” he said at the same time.

Pause. This is really getting awkward.

“You first,” he said.

I sat in silence for a brief moment and said, “I don’t really know what to say, Tim. I don’t want to assume or anything, and I don’t understand what all this should mean to me. Do you know what it means to you?”

He nodded, “It means I can’t be the Tim that everybody thought I was. It’s a different world now that the cat’s out of the bag: a harsher world, where everything you do is wrong and unacceptable.”

“And so the golden boy falls from grace,” I interrupted him. He looked puzzled and hurt that I said that, “Come on Tim, did you honestly think this would go out with fireworks and merry-making?”

“No,” he replied, “But I didn’t think it would be this difficult. Lionel said it wouldn’t really matter since the fans watch for my basketball skills and not who I sleep with.”

“Uhhh, who’s Lionel,” I asked, quite confused.

“He’s the guy I was with when Kat caught me,” he replied while looking away, as if embarrassed, “he’s just a someone I met randomly.”

“Just?” I asked prodding him to shed some light on the matter, “Why do I get the feeling that this isn’t just a simple story?”

“Okay, you caught me,” he said, looking more embarrassed, “he’s was a lot more than just a random guy. I met him after college at the draft screening process for the pros. He also played college ball, but failed to make it big time. But he’s still a nice guy, so I kept my lines open for him.”

“So,” I said, “What’s the final score?”

“He’s just a friend…” he replied, “with benefits.”

“I see,” I commented, “But then what happens now with this issue all over you?”

“Well, he’s lying low for the mean time, while Kat and I are fixing the divorce.” He said without remorse.

“But don’t you love Kat?” I asked, “You married her after all.

Just then, thunder clapped and rain started to fall outside. Tim became quiet as if collecting his thoughs.

“You see, that’s the point, “ he answered, “I married Kat for the wrong reasons. I didn’t want anyone to know, so I had to live by what society deems normal. But more importantly, I married Kat to forget you.”

“Forget me?”

“Yes,” he continued, “Back in our freshman year, I never really gave any thought to liking a guy. But you came along, bumped into me in the first day of orientation, cheered me up on the most important game of my life, and basically changed my world. I was both jealous and relieved when I heard about you and Cal.”

“You know, Cal?”

“Well, not really,” he said, “but I know he holds the key to your heart.”

“And that key disappeared the moment he died.” I said.

“Nate,” he said, “Don’t do that to yourself, don’t close your heart to other people.”

“Says the guy who wants to get into my pants.” I replied, sarcastically.

“Oh come on,” he exclaimed, clearly frustrated, “that’s beside the point. And what made you think I couldn’t move on?”

“Umm, you’re here, at my house, at the most trying time of your life,” I answered, “that proves a lot.”

“But don’t you think I just wanted to talk and get this out of my system?”

“Maybe… or maybe not…” I said while rolling my eyes, “What should I believe?”

“Umm, honestly?” he sighed, “I just need a friend right now.”

“I could use one too.”

-oOo-

Three hours later, I was showing Tim out of my door with a promise to keep in touch and a tearful hug. The conversation gave me a chance to talk about Cal and for him to open up about his life. After Tim left, I went to Cal’s final resting place.

The grass is damp with the recent storm. Fallen leaves were scattered all around the cemetery.

“It’s been more than two years, Cal.” I said, “I still love you.”

I continued, “I know that you’ll want to see me happy and that you want to see me live my life to the fullest. Tim is a great guy. I just wished you got to meet him.”

And with one final tear, I kissed his tombstone and left. Despite the night getting the darker, the rains have stopped. As the cool night breeze touch my face, I feel renewed and full of hope.

In a few hours, the dawn will come to open a brand new day. The rain purged all things that are bad and haunting, and left a trail for life to start a new. I’ll probably invite Tim over for dinner someday. But that’s a story for another day.

I love the rain. Don’t you?

-------------

PS. Okay, this one has been long overdue. I didn't get to write a lot this past year and I was hoping to finish this back in 2009 but creativity was just lacking. This project is done, except perhaps for some editing for consistency (and of course, grammar and clarity) but then, until the next literary project!